When It All Falls Away
by gigiluvsemo
Summary: fem!Shika!AU  Trouble is brewing in Konoha and when Shikamaru speaks her mind, she may be in for more than she bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

_a/n: This just it. I own nothing. I know that Shikamaru is a boy in the manga and such. Big deal, I wanted him to be a girl. Also Asuma is alive because I wish it to be so. Don't like, too bad. Feel free to leave a review. I would be interested in reading your thoughts._

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><p><strong>This is the prologue!<strong>

Once again I found myself thinking about that day. The meeting that changed everything. I never believed that I would leave Konoha, other than for missions of course. Yet, here I am, exiled by choice to Suna. I don't even like the desert. It has been almost two years since I was back in the forest town I grew up in. I don't believe that I'll ever return. For the most part I've been able to put the past out of my mind. I'm the chief strategist for the Kasakage. No mission gets sent out until I've been through the files and gotten the plan together. Now, laying in this hospital bed, there is nothing to distract me. Gaara isn't allowing me any work. Nothing to stress me out or keep me from resting. Knowing that I can't stop the memories this time, I get ready for the pain remembering will cause.

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><p>Ino, Choji, and I had been called into the Hokage's office along with most of the rookie nine. The only ones not in attendance were Neji, Lee, and TenTen. Lee and Neji were on a mission to Wave and TenTen was in the hospital recovering.<p>

"I'll make this brief." Tsunaede said. "Sasuke has been spotted near the Sound village. I want a team ready to go in an hour." Right away the noise started. Naruto and Sakura were both excited to have yet another chance to bring home their friend. Ino was just happy to see Sasuke. Choji and Hinata were happy to help the village in any way. Kiba was happy to have another chance to prove himself to his mother. Only Shino and I remained silent.

"Tsunade-sama" I said. She looked at me and waited for me to speak. "I do not wish to be part of this mission." Behind me the others began yelling the obvious questions. Why, what's wrong with you, are you crazy, things to that extent.

"Explain yourself Shikamaru." Tsunade demanded.

"I believe it is a waste of time, effort, and life. I see no reason to risk the lives of loyal ninja, once again, to retrieve someone who left on his own choice. Sasuke does not want to return to Konoha. He has proven this time and time again. The first time we went after him, Neji, Kiba, Choji, Akamaru, and Naruto almost died. The second time myself, Ino, Hinata, and Shino almost died. The third time Naruto, I, Sakura, Sai, and Yamato almost died. Why is bringing Sasuke back so important? How many lives is he worth? He will only come back if he decides to. And he is a traitor to the Leaf. Why is he worth so much more than we are to the village?" I stopped to take a much needed breath. Tsunade was looking at me wide eyed with shock. I knew if I turned I would find the same expression on the faces of my friends.

"That may be the most I've ever heard you say Shikamaru." Tsunade said. "I didn't know you could feel so strongly about anything." Before I could say anything else, the people behind me started yelling again. It was a jumbled mass of voices. The high points being, Ino and Sakura calling me a coward, a traitor, and a loser; things in that vein. Hinata and Choji were questioning my mental health. Kiba asking if I was really Shikamaru. Naruto and Shino remained quiet.

"All of you shut the hell up!" Tsunade bellowed. It was so quite you could hear people passing in the street below. "Tsunade-sama." I continued, "Unless you directly order me to, I would like to refuse any mission involving the retrieval of Sasuke."

"I'll have to think about this, Shikamaru." She replied. "You are my best at planning and strategy. I wanted you to lead this mission."

After a long pause, she spoke again, "Alright, Shino, Kiba, Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata, you will be the team going after Sasuke." Tsunade decided. "Shino will be on point as he is the most level headed person amoung you other than Shikamaru." And before any of you argue, he is also the most skilled and highly trained one here. Everyone other than Shikamaru is dismissed. You have a mission to prepare for and the rest of you, go train." Tsunade demanded.

While waiting for the others to disperse, I began to wonder what was left to be said. I had made my stance on the matter clear. What was left to be talked through? Was I to be stripped of my chunin status? Punished or chastised in some way? A loud slam brought me back to focus. "Shikamaru. "She began. "Why is this the first I'm hearing about your dislike for the missions I give you? Why have you not spoken up sooner?"

"I wasn't sure how to broach the subject." I paused, "Ever since Sasuke left, the village has been obsessed with bringing him home." I consider myself to be as much of a team player as I can be, however, it has become clear to me that rescuing or retrieving him is impossible. I have watched while good men and women risk their lives for him, and not only does he not care, he tries to kill them. The people he once swore to protect. I have lead two of the retrieval missions and both times came close to losing not only my team but my friends. I just don't see how throwing away the lives of the ninja of this village to bring him home make any sense. I can see at least twenty or more steps ahead of any given plan, this baffles me. As I lay in the hospital after the last mission to bring Sasuke back, I knew that I couldn't be a part of another one. Sasuke has done more damage to the wellbeing and morale of the rookie nine than I think he knows. While I'm sure he knows about the damage he did to his former teammates, the harm he caused the rest of us is unknown to him. The problem is, how do you retrieve somebody who doesn't want to be retrieved? Even if we were somehow able to bring Sasuke back to Konoha, how would we keep him here? Would he be locked up, under house arrest, stuck with a babysitter until we could be sure that he wouldn't run again? How many lost lives will be enough? When will it become clear that Sasuke cannot be saved?"

Tsunade looked at me with what seemed to be a mixture of shock and awe. I knew I had taken her by surprise. I had taken myself by surprise. I had known for some time that I was not happy with the focus on returning Sasuke to Konoha. I was not prepared, however, for all I had been thinking to spew out like this. I stepped back from the desk to wait for my leader's response.

"I'm not sure what to say or do here Shikamaru." Tsunade stated, "All of this coming from you is a shock, and I'm not sure how to handle the situation right now. Go home and let me think for a few days. I'll call you back in when I have a solution. You will not be sent on any missions until we next speak. You are not being punished or anything like that. No laws have been broken, no rules stretched. I just need some time to figure out how to put this to the Elders."

I was then dismissed. I knew that I would now have to explain myself to a much tougher crowd. How do I go about telling my closest friends and the ninja I worked with most my reasons for giving up on a former friend? I pondered this as I walked the hallway, down the stairs, and toward the door. As I opened the door to leave the building I expected many things. Getting punched was not one of them. Yet there I was, sitting in the doorway, rubbing my check. I looked up to see Ino being held back by Choji. I've known her all my life and I have never seen her so angry. Choji looked at me with the strangest expression. A cross between sadness and disappointment. I stood up, spit out the blood, and tried to explain.

"Ino, Choji," I began. I was cut off before I could say any more. Sakura stepped forward.

"Don't even try Shikamaru!" She yelled, "How could you turn your back on a friend? What gives you the right to decide if we bring Sasuke home? Calling him a traitor, saying trying to help him is a waste! You're just lucky Ino got to you first!"

She paused for breath, clenching her fists. I looked around at the faces in front of me. All but Sai looked sad and angry, with a little disappointment thrown in for fun. I looked up and the clouds and muttered my usual "troublesome." Not the smartest thing I could have done. Next thing I knew I was back on the ground. Only this time I was in the hallway wall. Sakura packs one hell of a punch. I sat there, waiting for my vision to clear. I wondered if my jaw was broken. I knew my nose was, and maybe my cheek. It was for certain that I had a concussion. By now we had drawn a crowd. Yelling and loud crashes tend to do that in ninja villages. I attempted to stand. It didn't go well. Luckily, before I could fall on my face, someone took hold of my shoulders. I looked over to see the blurry form of Umino Iruka, our academy teacher. He did not look pleased. His right eye was twitching in a disturbing manner.

"Steady there Shikamaru." He said, "Don't try to move. You're bleeding and I need to get you to the hospital."

I reached up and touched the back of my head. My fingers came away bloody. I looked at my hand for a moment, almost as though I thought the blood would vanish. It didn't. I looked over at Sakura and the others in shock. I had expected anger. I was a genius after all. But being attacked? I was having trouble wrapping my head around it.

" I want to know why you would attack a fellow ninja and villager Sakura." Iruka demanded. "And the fact that you two would stand there and let this happen, I am ashamed to have been your teacher if this is how you behave."

Sakura and Ino just stood there, shaking with rage. Choji looked away as if he wanted to be elsewhere. Sai spoke for the first time since the meeting.

"Umino-san" He said, " Ino threw the first punch. Then Sakura yelled at Shika-chan. Shika-chan muttered something, then Sakura punched her through the wall. Then you came up and here we are."

Choji then spoke up. He turned to look at both Iruka and I. He would not look directly at me.

"Iruka-san, we just came from a meeting with the Hokage. Shikamaru said some things that have upset all of us. We waited here to talk to her about it. But the longer we waited the more angry Ino and Sakura became." Choji paused to take a breath. Iruka asked what the meeting was about. I spoke up before the others could.

"We were called before Tsunade-sama to discuss another mission to retrieve Sasuke." I said slowly, "I told them that I was not interested in any missions that involved bringing him back to Konoha. I told them I thought it was a waste of man power. I stand by what I said. Enough blood has been shed by the loyal ninja of Konoha in his name."

Once I finished speaking I started to sit back down. I had grown dizzy. Iruka spoke again.

"Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You don't get to attack them simply because you disagree or it makes you mad. You accept their views and talk your problems through. This is what I believed I had taught you". Iruka paused there. "While I can see why Shikamaru believes this, I also understand how it would upset some of the others is the rookie nine. It does not, however, excuses attacking her. I am very disappointed in you three." Iruka finished.

He then helped me back up and off to the hospital we went. It didn't take long for the medic-nin to heal the damage. I had a fractured cheek, broken nose, split lip, concussion, and a small skull fracture. Iruka stayed with me until the medic was done. Iruka then walked me home. It was quite for a few moments. I waited for him to speak first. I didn't have to wait long.

"Do you really think that bringing Sasuke home is a waste?" Iruka asked, "I realize that his leaving looks like a betrayal of the Leaf Village, however, we know that he has a reason he believes is valid. He has not done anything that has landed him in the bingo book. Don't you think we should keep trying to get through to him? Make sure he knows that killing Itachi won't bring his clan back."

I pondered my response. While Iruka make a valid point, I knew mine was also valid. I wanted to get my words in order before I spoke. We walked for about ten minutes before I spoke.

"I don't believe that there is anything we can do or say to bring Sasuke back. He is not interested in avenging his clan. He wants revenge. Against Itachi for the massacre of his family. Against Naruto for being stronger, more able to overcome hardships and adapt then he is. Against the village for trying to stop him from gaining the power he believes he deserves. If it were just about avenging his clan he would not have gone to Orochimaru. He would have stayed to train with Kakashi-san. When fighting us, he would trap us or something to that effect. Not try to kill us. To keep sending us out after him is an insult. The elders are telling us that Sasuke is more important to Konoha then we are. That his life is worth more than ours is. What kind of message is that to send out to your ninja? I can no longer place Sasuke above my friends. I don't want to wait in the hospital to find out if they will survive. I've come close to losing my dearest friends to Sasuke too many times. I've come close to death myself twice because of him. I won't give him another drop of my blood. I can't do it any longer. I won't"

We stopped talking and I realized that we were at the memorial stone. I looked up and started reading the names listed there.

"I don't want to read the names of my precious people on this stone because of Sasuke. I don't want my name here because of him either." I said softly.

I stood there tracing the names of my grandparents. I had never met them. They, like many others, had died the night the Kyuubi attacked. Iruka placed his hands on my shoulders and looked down at me.

"I understand why you made this choice and I will support you." He said, "I don't completely agree but I will not try to change your mind. We have to let Tsunade-sama know what happened between you all."

I began to shake my head.

"There is no need." I protested. "I believe that they will work through the anger. We can then talk about it, without me getting hit. I trust my friends and I think shock is the reason for their actions. I want to put this behind us."

I took a few moments but I convinced Iruka to let me deal with this disagreement my way. We then headed to my family home. Iruka insisted that he make sure I made it there alright. Once inside I made some tea and went to lay down to rest. I could not shut down my mind. The events of the day kept spinning through my head. I knew I had not done anything really wrong. While I could understand the anger shown by Sakura and Ino, the violence was shocking. Maybe not from Sakura, she hit Naruto all the time. Ino had never raised a hand in anger against anyone. Fighting on missions didn't count. Choji's reaction was giving me the most trouble. He was my closet friend. We had no secrets from each other. I had told him most of this already. Not to the extent I had at the meeting but the basic idea was talked about between the two of us. His refusal to even look at me was bothering me more than anything else. I knew I had to speak with him before I would be able to sleep. I got up from my bed and headed downstairs. I heard the door open before I reached the landing. It was my mother. Not what I needed right now. My head already hurt and she can nag better than anyone. I waved to her as I made my way out the door. I told her where I was going and that I'd be home later. Making my way to Choji's house I wondered if Ino would be there. If they were both calm enough to listen. I really didn't want to get hit again. It took me about fifteen minutes to get to his place. I knocked on the door and waited. It didn't take long for the door to be opened. I looked up and saw that both Ino and Choji were at the door. I tried to smile up at them. I think it feel flat.

"Can we talk?" I asked them, "I want to explain why I said the things I did at the meeting."

Choji nodded and they both moved to the side so I could enter the living room. We all took a seat and stared at each other for a few moments. I reached up and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Look, I know that this is a shock to you," I started, "But, I have felt this way for a while. I haven't said anything because I was unsure about how it would be received. It went worse than I anticipated. Choji, I've told you before some of what I brought up at the meeting today. Why were you so upset?" I asked.

Choji responded. "I knew you were having issues with the tries to bring Sasuke home. I didn't realize that you had given up on him. Or that you viewed him as a lost cause. You led two of the missions to bring him home. It isn't like you to quit on anything. Even if it bores you or you find it troublesome, you finish it. It was like I was seeing a side of you that has been hidden for the 17 years we've known each other. I still don't know how to take it." He said.

Ino stood and walked over to the fireplace. She paused there, looking at a picture on the mantle. It was of the three of us the day we became a team. She let out a big sigh and turned to look at me.

"Shikamaru" She began, "I'm not going to ask if you meant what you said. I know you don't say what you don't mean. I'm not sure about Choji or the others but I can't support you in this." She stopped and brushed a lock of hair from her face. "I will not turn my back on Sasuke." Ino continued, "I will do whatever I can to bring him home. No matter the cost. He has lost his way, and as a friend, I must help him find his way back." She stopped nce again to play with her hair. "Have you thought about what Asuma-sensei will say about your little revelation?" she asked, "Do you think he will accept this? And what about Naruto, saying all of that in front of him, you know how he feels about bringing Sasuke home. It means more to him that anyone! Have you really thought about how many people you will be hurting, angering, or alienating? I don't even want to look at you right now. Imagine how the people closest to him will feel." Ino finished.

I sat there for a few minutes, hands poised in front of me, thinking. I knew Ino had a point. People were going to be angry and upset with me. Naruto and Sakura being the first to come to mind would their reactions sway me or change my mind? That was the big question. Would I let what the others wanted change what I knew to be the right choice for me? I knew my response would not please Ino. For once in my lazy life I was going to stand up and let my passion for what I believed in lead me. No matter the consequences.

"I am sorry that I seem to be letting you down, Ino," I said, "But I will not change my mind about this. I can no longer blindly follow orders that I don't believe in. I do not think that there is a way to bring Sasuke home. He left us and he is not coming back. I wish it were not so. If I thought that we could somehow manage to get Sasuke back to Konoha and to see reason to stop his need for revenge I would be the first to head after him. It will not happen. He has betrayed all the values that we hold dear as loyal ninja." I paused to take a breath. "If this decision makes it so I lose the people I call my friends, perhaps the friendship was not all that strong to begin with. If following my own heart makes it so they no longer respect me, then I have lost them and I will learn to live with that. I cannot make them see things from my view point if they won't listen. As for Asuma, he knows me well enough that he will respect my choice even if he doesn't agree. He taught us to think for ourselves and to put the village and its needs first. That is what I am doing. As for the rest, I will deal with the fallout as it comes. Even if I have to stand on my own. I will take my leave now. Please think on what I've said. You two are my closest friends. Remember that."

As I headed home I couldn't help but wonder what the next few weeks might have in store for me. I still had to talk to Asuma and Kakashi about the whole issue. I was also waiting for the Hokage to call me in and let me know about the elder's thoughts on the matter. Once I reached home I climbed the stairs to my room. Getting ready for bed I couldn't help but have the foolish and childish thought that everything would be better in the morning. I went to sleep not know that the next few months would show me how wrong I was. I was about to see a side of the people I had thought to be my friends I never thought they could possess. I didn't know that when I woke, my entire life would change.


	2. Chapter 2

I awoke the next morning in the same way I had my entire life, with my mother yelling from the doorway. And like I have every morning I tried to ignore her. It didn't work. It never had. Today was a little different though. For the first time in a long time she came into my room and pulled of the blankets. I opened my eyes to look at her. She looked very upset.

"Get up and come downstairs." Yoshino said, "Your father and I need to talk to you."

With that said she turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her. This was new. For one, mother never slammed doors, for another, father never wanted to talk. I got up and headed downstairs. They were both in the living room. Neither looked happy. I sat myself on the couch and waited for them to speak. My father looked over at me, shook his head, and sighed.

"Shikamaru" Shikaku began, "There are some rumors going around that have upset your mother. I want this troublesome business over with. What did you say yesterday to anger so many people?"

I knew then that Ino's mouth had struck again. She never did learn to keep things quite. Always had to gossip and spread stories around. Only this time they weren't false.

"We were called to a meeting with the Hokage, I said, "It was a mission involving Sasuke Uchiha, to once again try to return him to Konoha. I refused to lead the mission. I then told Tsunade-sama I would no longer take missions involving retrieving Sasuke. I said I believed it to be a waste of time, effort, and life. I meant it then and I stand by my choice."

My father nodded to me and mother, stood, and walked out of the house. Looking at my mother's expression I wished I could join him.

"I am ashamed to call you my daughter!" Yoshina yelled, "What gives you the right to decide what missions the Hokage hands out? Who do you think you are? You are a chuunin too lazy to become a jounin! Do you realize the dishonor you have brought to Shikaku's name? Do you even care?"

I stood and headed to the stairs. Before I reached them I turned and looked at my mother.

"For my entire life you have been telling me to stop being lazy." I began, "To take a stand for what I believe in, to make a difference, to help this village prosper, to be a loyal ninja. That is what I'm doing. I can't be a loyal ninja by doing missions I don't believe in. If I don't stay true to my beliefs how can I stay true to anything?

I paused there to take a breath.

"Tsunade-sama said that she didn't know I could be passionate about anything." I said, "It bothers me that people expect me to passively go through life doing missions and planning attacks without any emotion. Being fond of sleeping in and watching clouds does not mean I don't care about anything. Does anyone ever stop to think that those are the ways I cope with the life I lead? That watching clouds is how I turn my mind off?

I stopped there. I could see that I wasn't getting through to her. I went upstairs and changed into my normal chuunin gear. I then headed out to the training grounds. I was positive that neither Ino nor Choji would want to train with me today so I planned to do some weapons training. While I specialize in shadow manipulation sometimes it comes down to armed combat. I left the house without another word to my mother. On my way to the training grounds I noticed that the villagers were pointing and whispering as I passed by. Didn't they realize that as a ninja I had very good hearing? I realized that Ino had made sure to spread her version of what happened to the entire village. How troublesome. I ignored everyone and slowly made my way onward. Upon reaching my destination I set up the targets and pulled out my shuriken. I closed my eyes and began my training. Soon the only sound was of metal hitting wood. I tried to lose myself in the rhythm of throwing kunai and shuriken. I couldn't turn my mind off. I found I was bothered by the reaction of the villagers. Why would they automatically believe whatever Ino said? Why didn't they ask for any other view on the matter? I had been nothing but loyal to this village. I had always done what missions I was given. No matter what my thoughts on them was. How could one refusal change everything? I realized that I had been lost in thought for a while. I decided to sit and rest. As I sat there I felt a familiar chakra signature. For a moment I considered leaving before he could call out to me. If he did call out to me, he wasn't always the most social of people. I decided to see if he had heard about the mission and my refusal to lead it. I would not hide away from whatever he had to say. Hatake Kakashi was one of the most famed of all the ninja in the leaf village. He was also the team leader and coach of one Uchiha Sasuke. It would be interesting to see his reaction to my thoughts on his number one protégé. I decided to greet him if he walked past. Sure enough there he was about five minutes later.

"Greeting Kakashi-san," I called out, "how are you this afternoon?"

I received a short wave in response. At least at first, then he stopped and actually lifted his head out of his infamous orange book to see who had spoken to him.

"Nara-kun," He said, "I have been looking for you. It seems we have something to discuss. May I join you?"

I decided to take the lead in the conversation. I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with this man. He was one of the most powerful ninja in the village. One of the most respected as well.

"Of course sensei," I said, "I believe I know what you want to talk about. Yesterday a team left on another mission to retrieve Uchiha Sasuke. I refused to be a part of it. Is this what we need to talk about?"

He slowly walked over to the tree I was sitting under, gave his infamous eye smile, and crouched down in front of me.

"Maa Nara-kun," he said, "you really are a genius like they say. Tsunade-sama is the one who told me about your speech yesterday. She wanted to know my opinion about it. Why don't you paraphrase what you said, and we'll go from there. Don't leave out the part about Ino and Sakura attacking you afterwards or your trip to the hospital with Umino-sensei."

He stopped there and waited for me to respond. I stretched out my legs, rubbed the back of my neck and let out a deep sigh.

"Troublesome." I muttered, "I told Tsunade-sama that I no longer wished to accept missions involving Sasuke. I said I believed it was an insult to the loyal ninja of Konoha to keep risking our lives to try to bring him home. He will only come back on his own terms and that he is a traitor to the leaf. I upset most of the people at the meeting. After I left the office, Ino and Sakura voiced their anger. Iruka happened by, we went to the hospital, I was healed of my injuries, I went home. That's more or less it."

I leaned back against the tree and looked up at the clouds. All was silent for a few moments. Kakashi was thinking about what I had said, I was wondering what his reaction would be. As the silence stretched on I began to wonder if he would say anything. Before I could say anything he spoke again.

"I get the impression that you have left out some key elements of this little story." He said, "What were your injuries? If a medic had to heal you, they were not slight injuries. What happened after you went home? Did you speak with anyone else about the mission? How is it that so many people know about your refusal? While not a secret mission ninja normally keep quiet about things like this. What have you left out?" Kakashi asked.

"You asked me to paraphrase the events Kakashi-san. Not go through in detail." I replied.

He simply looked at me and waited

"The injuries were not that bad," I began, "A split lip, broken nose, fractured cheek, concussion, and a small skull fracture. Not too bad after getting punched by Sakura."

I stopped there to see if he would react to the news that Sakura did such damage. His response made me laugh.

"Maa," He said, "at least she didn't use her full strength."

"True." I replied, "After I went home I tried to rest. I couldn't. I got up and went to talk to Choji and Ino. It didn't go very well and when I left they were both still angry. I don't know what they did after that."

I pause for a moment before telling him of this morning's events.

"My mother woke me this morning and proceeded to yell at me for my choices about the mission. She thinks I have dishonored my father's name and things to that effect. I left the house and came here to train. On my way I noticed I was receiving looks from the villagers and I could hear them whispering about me. I arrived here and began training but I couldn't shut my mind off and I took a break. You showed up and here we are." I ended.

After I had finished speaking I sat there, waiting for his reaction. As I waited I began to wonder why Tsunade had told Kakashi before telling the elders. I was certain that if the elders knew what had happened I would have been called back to the office by now. My mind kept spinning, throwing out question after question. Why him? Were the elders contacted yet? What information had been spread to the villagers? Did the other chuunin and jounin know about the mission? What else would I be facing? I realized that I would have to approach the Hokage with my concerns. I was not looking forward to it. I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. Kakashi was trying to get my attention.

"Why you?" I asked

He looked at me in confusion. I tried to gather my thoughts. I had not meant to say that out loud.

"What I mean Kakashi-san is why did Tsunade send you to speak with me?" I said, "We are not friends and barely know each other. Asuma would have made more sense. He was my sensei and is my friend. Genma or Kotetsu would have made more sense. We have worked together many times. It doesn't make sense to have Sasuke's teacher question me."

"Tsunade knows that I will not let emotion cloud my reactions to your opinion." Kakashi replied," Whether or not I agree with you doesn't matter. I was asked to gather information and tell her my opinion on you. Whether or not I believed you to be able to stand by the choice you made. To see if I thought that people could sway you based on their reactions to you."

He paused there. He seemed to be thinking hard about something.

"You have chosen a difficult path here Shikamaru." He said, "The elders want Sasuke back no matter the cost. He is the last of his bloodline. They will never give up on the Uchiha. His abilities are too useful and dangerous. Letting Orochimaru have him does not sit well with the village either. Many ninja and civilian see Sasuke as a scared child who has lost his way. And his ties to his friends run deep. Naruto and Sakura will never give up on him." He paused there to take a breath. "Sasuke cannot be saved." Kakashi said, "But I will do everything in my power to bring him back to Konoha. He is my failure and my responsibility. You are right in believing that he will come back only under his own power. When he does that, Konoha will be in trouble. They just don't realize that yet. I fear you will face many difficulties for a while. Until people find another scandal to focus or another person to blame for something. Be ready." He ended.

Kakashi then stood up to leave. Before he walked away he placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up and waited.

"Be careful Shikamaru." He said "You never know how people will react when they are angry or disappointed."

With that said he pulled out his book and left. I stood and began to gather my equipment. I knew I would do no more training. I had to think. Too many variables were whirling through my head. I planned to head to my favorite hill, watch some clouds and think. I realized that Kakashi and I had been talking for a few hours. I had not eaten breakfast and had now missed lunch. Food first, clouds second I decided. I walked back to town and went to Ichkaru's for some ramen. Though I received dirty looks I soon got my pork ramen. I ate quickly and left. Before I could reach my cloud watching spot an Anbu in a bird mask appeared before me.

"You are summoned to the Hokage's office." He stated. He then grabbed my arm and sunshined us away, it was dark for a few moments, and then the light seemed blinding. I hate to travel like that. It makes me dizzy. I kept my eyes closed for a minute. When I opened them we were in a large room. Not in Tsunade's office. I glanced around and saw not only the Hokage but the elders Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane as well. Troublesome didn't come close to what I thought at that moment. To hide my nerves, I slouched and leaned back against the wall. I waited for any one of them to speak. I would not talk first. I had broken no law or rule. They had summoned me, so I waited. After about ten minutes they spoke.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Homura asked?

I pondered for a moment.

"About what?" I replied.

Tsunade stifled a laugh. Koharu took over from there.

"Don't play games with us young woman!" He demanded, "You know very well why you have been brought before us. You will explain to us why you refused such an important mission. As a ninja of Konoha it is your duty to carry out any mission given to you. What were you thinking?" He asked.

I straightened up and waked to the center of the room. I looked at all three of them before I spoke.

"Important to whom," I asked, "to the ninja who have risked their lives time and time again to bring Sasuke back? To the friends he has betrayed? To the ones he and his companions have tried to kill? I can no longer sit back and watch my friends and fellow ninja risk life and limb for a lost cause. Uchiha Sasuke has betrayed Konoha. He is a traitor to the leaf and a rogue ninja in league with Orochimaru. He cannot be saved. This is a fact and no matter how many missions are sent it will not change. You insult the sacrifices of loyal ninja by risking their lives to bring that spoiled man child home. I will not take part in it any longer. No matter what the consequences are."

With that said I returned to leaning against the wall. I knew what I said had angered the elders even more. I didn't care. I waited for my punishment. Homura and Koharu stood and walked out of the room. They both glared at me as they passed by.

"That went well Shikamaru." Tsunade joked. "It seems you have a gift for pissing people off."

She paused there, shook her head, and then continued.

"Since you haven't broken any laws you won't be punished, however, it has been decided that you will work the mission desk each day for the next two weeks. You will work with Iruka since school is out. If any more problems arise you will come to me directly. I need to know if you get attacked again. I'm not happy that you didn't tell me yesterday about what happened with Sakura and Ino. By now I'm sure that you know that the village knows about the mission and your refusal to take part in it. I want you to be on your guard." She said.

I agreed to let her know if anything else happened and then I headed out to my favorite hill. I just needed a chance to sit alone in the quiet and think. So much had happened and I needed to get everything strait in my head. I had no problem working the mission desk. It was boring but other than that not bad. Something Kakashi had said was stuck in the fore front of my mind. Who was he warning me to look out for? Did he think I had angered somebody so much that they would do me harm? I know that Sakura and Ino had injured me but I believed that to be a spur of the moment thing brought on by surprise. Not out of a desire to really hurt me. As these thoughts rolled around in my mind I had arrived at the hill. Nobody was around and that was how I liked it. I lay back and pillowed my head on my arms, looking at the sky. I tried to put it all in perspective. I had pissed off the village, the elders, my mother, and my closest friends. Not bad for one day's work. I decided to let it all go for now. I would go home, be polite to Yoshino, have dinner, sleep, and wake in the morning refreshed. I would report to the mission desk and see what happened. I had at least three people on my side. Tsunade, Kakashi, and Iruka were there to support me and I must admit I was glad. I realized that I would need somebody on my side. I wondered what trouble the next few weeks would bring. I had no idea just what I was in for. It would turn out that I didn't know my friends at all. Or the lengths to which they would go.


	3. Chapter 3

This just in: I still don't own anything. By the way, this chap has an original character. He will reappear in the next chapter. He is not the nicest but oh well. Enjoy. By the way in my world Asuma is alive.

Five in the morning, this is what time I had to wake up for my first day of manning the mission desk. So early! I muttered to myself as I got ready for the day. After showering and dressing, I went down to make breakfast. I decided to make myself a lunch as well. After eating I headed out. I had to be there by five thirty. I made it with three minutes to spare. Iruka met me at the door; we headed inside and took seats behind the long table that made up the mission desk. There were three chairs behind it and four trays on top. Iruka began to explain what we were going to be doing.

"Take the mission reports from the jounin and chuunin." He said, "Make sure that they are complete, stamp them, and lay them face down in one of the first three trays. Sounds simple enough right? It is so not that simple. When you add in the crazy that is most jounin and the almost crazy of the chuunin, it becomes a huge mess."

I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. I mean I'd never had a problem with my reports. I could, however, see how some of my friends would have trouble. I smirked to myself thinking about what Kiba's reports must look. Iruka must have seen me smile.

"Shikamaru," Iruka began, "some of these reports will simply read completed. We must have mission details. Frequently we have to hand the report back and insist that it be redone correctly. This will anger many of the older jounin. It always does. You will be yelled at and threatened. Then we have the jounin who turn in the late reports. This is what the forth tray is for. You will notice in the coming weeks that it is mostly Kakashi whose reports will go into that tray. This should not surprise you."

I nodded my head to show that I understood. The mission office didn't open until six, so we got ready for the day. Made sure we had plenty of blank report forms and black ink pens. Iruka seemed to think no form was complete unless it was filled out in black ink. And he said the rest of us were crazy. Just before six the third person manning the desk showed up. It was Mitarashi Anko. I had not worked with the jounin before. In fact, I had not seen her much since the chuunin exams. She greeted Iruka with a friendly hello and was all smiles. At least until she looked over at me. If looks could kill I would be six feet under. I'd been up against rogue ninja who didn't glare at me like that. One minute she was glaring and the next a large snake came flying across the room at me. I jumped back and used the shadows to stop it in its tracks. Iruka started yelling.

"Anko," He bellowed, "What in the world are you doing? Attacking a fellow shinobi like that. Do you have any idea how much trouble you could get into?"

Anko kept glaring daggers at me as she prepared her answer.

"That little chuunin is the one causing trouble." She stated. "Do you remember whose apprentice I was? Think back Iruka. It was Orochimaru. I'm one of the first to leave this village and follow him. Am I a traitor? Not worthy of saving? Do I deserve to wear this hitai-ate in Shikamaru's opinion? Should I be locked up? What makes her think that she has the right to judge people like that?"

I sat down in the chair furthest from the angry jounin. I had forgotten that Orochimaru used to have students in Konoha. If I remembered correctly, Anko also had the curse seal mark on her neck just like Sasuke. I hadn't thought about the others in this village that had known Orochimaru before his defection. I stopped Iruka before he could respond.

"Mitarashi-san," I began, "I meant you no disrespect with my comments towards Uchiha Sasuke or my decision regarding his retrieval. I believe the fact that you returned to Konoha and chose to be loyal to this village proves that you are not a traitor. While it is true that Orochimaru is evil, it was not always so. I know that at one time he was greatly respected in all the Land of Fire. He is one of the three sannin." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "I do not believe that you are a traitor simply because you have proven yourself time and again to this village. When Orochimaru invaded the chuunin exams you tried to protect all of those involved. You warned the Hokage about his presence and helped fight when his forces invaded. I am sorry if my words seem to paint you in the same light as Sasuke. You are nothing like him because you made the choice to return and fight for us, not against us."

I sat there after apologizing to Anko. I could tell she didn't really believe that I was sincere. There was no time to argue though, it was time to open the mission desk. Iruka sat between the two of us. St about ten after six the ninja started to come in. First were the genin teams getting their daily missions, next the chuunin and jounin turning in old mission reports and picking up new missions. We settled in to work and the hours passed. Iruka had not been joking. Three hours in and we had been cursed at, yelled at, had things thrown at, and flat out ignored. I had been glared at by a few chuunin but no real trouble. At least until around noon. Anko had gone to lunch and Iruka was filing some reports. I was alone at the desk. A large battle scared ninja stormed into the room and slammed his report down in front of me. I looked over the report and saw that it was not complete. There were no details, just the words finished. I handed the report back.

"I am sorry Jounin-san," I began, "but I cannot accept this report. If you could rewrite a new one complete with mission details it would be most appreciated."

Now I would like to say that the ninja calmly took the report, sat down, and rewrote it with no trouble, that is not what happened. Within seconds the mission desk was shattered, papers were everywhere, and I was slammed against a wall with a hand tight around my throat and a kunai to my side. I hadn't even seen him move.

"You insolent little punk," He yelled, "do you have any idea who I am? Chuunin scum should learn to show proper respect!"

A couple of different things were happening now. Iruka was trying to get the man to release me, and I was unable to breath. Everything was getting faint and dark in my vision. Just before I passed out, I was let go. I hit the floor and tried to get my breath back. Before I could a foot blasted into my stomach. I flew towards the far wall. Somebody caught me before I hit. I did not recognize the chakra signature. I looked up to see what was going on. I saw Iruka, Shiranui Genma, and Maito Gai holding the jounin back from me. He still looked pretty pissed. He was shouting at me.

"Little punk!" He roared, "I am Kabamaro Kouga, elite tokubetsu jounin! Former ANBU! How dare you question me! I'll kill you!"

I must say that by now I was tire of being kicked around. At least this time it had nothing to do with Sasuke. I went to stand but a voice behind me stopped me.

"Don't try it Shika-chan." He warned, "That kick most likely broke something."

The voice sounded familiar, yet I couldn't place it. I turned my head and realized who it was. It was another tokubetsu jounin named Namiashi Raidou.

"Thank you for your concern Raidou-san." I said, "If you could help me up I can assess the damage. "

My voice came out weak and hoarse. It hurt to talk or to breathe. Raidou helped me to my feet, but once standing he kept his arm around my waist, before I could ask him why he began to speak.

"Kamizuki Izumo has gone to fetch the Hokage." He said, "Something like this must be taken care of quickly. There is no reason to attack a fellow shinobi."

This comment seemed to calm the enraged jounin. He stopped struggling against the three ninja holding him. Genma and Guy lead him to a chair and sat him down. Iruka headed over to Raidou and I.

"Let me check your injuries Shikamaru." Iruka said.

His hands began glowing with healing chakra. He moved the over my abdomen, neck, and head. He had a frown on his face when he scanned my head and stomach.

"Shikamaru," He began, "we need to get you to the medics. You have at least two broken ribs, your spleen is at the very least bruised and I think you have another skull fracture. Your throat is just bruised. Raidou, can you take Shikamaru to the hospital? We will wait for the Hokage."

Raidou nodded. Before I could say anything he tightened his arm around me and we sunshined away. We appeared at the hospital and my knees gave out. I grabbed on to Raidou's arm, I was having trouble focusing. I hated to travel this way.

"Are you alright Shika-chan?" Raidou asked, "You've gone very pale."

Before I answered I reached up and touched the back of my head. I felt a bump forming but nothing wet. I brought my fingers to the front and saw that there was no blood on them.

"I don't like to travel that way Raidou-san," I said, "it makes me nauseous. And this is the second skull fracture I've gotten in the last three days. I'm sick of the hospital."

He set me in a chair and went to get a medic. Just my luck the one he brought back with him was Ino. She looked at me and laughed. She then led us to a healing room. Raidou put his arm around my waist and helped me to the room and then up on to the table. Ino had me lay back and she began the exam. She started at my head and worked her way down.

"Just a minor skull fracture and concussion," she said, "your throat is just bruised. It's your stomach that is the problem. I can heal the broken ribs but I need to get a more advanced healer for the rupture."

With that said she left the room. Leaving me wide eyed and a little scared. What was ruptured? Was it serious? Why didn't Iruka notice it? I was getting a little panicky.

"Calm down Shika-chan," Raidou said, "you won't do yourself any good if you panic. Wait for the med-nin and try to relax."

I looked down and noticed that he was holding my hand and rubbing the back of it. I looked up at him and began to speak.

"Thank you for getting me to the hospital Raidou-senpai," I said, "I'm sure you have work you should get to. I will be fine here on my own. Please don't put yourself out any further on my behalf."

He smiled down at me and gripped my hand a little tighter.

"It's no trouble at all to help out such a cute little chuunin." He said. Then he winked at me.

Before I could respond, the med-nin was there. She was the same Nin from three days ago. She hurried Raidou out of the room, had me undress, and began healing my ruptured spleen. She then told me to rest and avoid being beaten up for at least a week. She then smiled at me and left. I redressed and went to leave the hospital and found that Raidou was waiting outside for me. He insisted on walking me home, when I told him I was going back to the mission room he walked me there instead. We arrived to find the mess cleaned up, the angry jounin gone, and Iruka and Anko working. I thanked Raidou once again and got back to work. Iruka seemed surprised to see me back so soon, but he just smiled and let me work. Anko continued to glare at and ignore me. The rest of the day passed with no real problems. So did the next two weeks. While I was not attacked again, it was easy to tell who disagreed with my choices about Sasuke. The ones who didn't care turned in their work and left. The ones who agreed with me didn't exist. The ones who were angry made my life hell. Without being violent or making it obvious to anyone else. It was small things, getting hit with stray objects, water being dumped on me by accident. Stuff like that. The only bright side, if you could call it that, was that I had gained an admirer. Raidou seemed to pop up almost everywhere I went. He would appear when I had lunch and then join me. It was kind of nice, but weird at the same time. An elite tokubetsu jounin showing a romantic interest in me, it was unsettling. I'm not saying it was bad just unsettling. I had hoped that by the time I was done with the mission desk, things would have calmed down. They did not. I found myself being shunned by the villagers and the ninja both. Most of the missions I had were solo or spent in silence because the other shinobi wouldn't speak to me. This continued until Neji and Lee returned from Wave a month later. After hearing what had happened the two of them started going on missions with me. It was nice to have friends again. Ino and Choji still weren't talking to me. Shino, Kiba, Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata had not returned yet. Sai had never really talked to anybody anyway. Even when they returned from the mission a month later it didn't really change. The only surprise was that Naruto supported me. We had lunch the day after they returned and talked. We met at Ichiraku's for some ramen. Big shock there right. After he had eaten four bowls he began to talk.

"Shika," He began, "I won't lie to you and say that I agree with what you've said about Sasuke. I can't. I still believe that he can be saved. I do believe that it is your right to think this way. The way the villagers have been treating you is wrong and the shinobi should be ashamed. This is not the way we were taught to treat our team-mates. I understand why you feel the way you do. Sasuke has come close to killing those closest to you many times. He has almost killed you twice."

He stopped there and seemed to be gathering his thoughts. As I waited I realized that I was seeing a side of Naruto that he didn't show to others, the serious side that he hid with his pranks and loud voice.

"Sasuke is the first person in Konoha to have acknowledged me as a ninja and as a person," He continued, "I can't turn my back on him when he needs me so much. It would be like turning my back on my brother. Without him I feel like I don't have a purpose any longer. I still want to be Hokage one day, but I need him here cheering me on. Challenging me to try harder, to get better, he is the force behind me driving me forward. Without him to push me I don't know how far I can go. Even when fighting each other now he pushes me. His remarks about how I've improved or gotten tougher to beat make me train even harder to bring him home."

He stopped there and looked at me. The look of sadness in his eyes for his lost friend broke my heart.

"While I don't believe in him any longer," I said, "the fact that you still fight for him proves that he may not be completely lost yet. If anyone can bring him home and make him see reason it is you. Though I cannot help on these missions I will worry for you and wait for your safe return."

We left the ramen stand and began to walk around our hometown. He looked over at me and I could tell that he still had a few things on his mind. I led him to my favorite hill and we sat down.

"Is it true that both Ino and Sakura hit you on the day we left?" He asked?

I pondered on how much to tell him. I knew that he had a crush on Sakura, but since he had been honest with me I would be honest with him.

"Yes." I said, "Ino didn't do much damage, just a split lip, but I really pissed off Sakura. She punched me through a wall. She broke my nose, fractured my cheek, and gave me a concussion and a skull fracture. I think I got off easy."

He laughed a bit, a short brittle sound.

"Yeah," He said, "She could have put you through the entire building or just knocked your head off." He stopped there and got a mischievous look on his face. "What's this Lee's been telling me about a new boyfriend? The powers of youth burning bright between you and a certain scarred jounin?"

I blushed beet read and vowed to smack Lee in the head.

"Raidou has been popping up in a lot of places in the last few months." I said, "He joined me for lunch when I was in the mission room and has dropped by a few times since. There are no powers of anything burning between us."

Naruto just laughed and smirked at me. That day I realized just how much Naruto had grown. He was no longer the prank playing idiot desperate for attention. He was a brave, loyal, and wise ninja and friend. Even if he did love the color orange, ramen, and teasing me about Raidou. How I wish it could have remained this good. The next months would come close to destroying me completely. I wonder what I would have changed if I'd known what was headed my way?


	4. Chapter 4

Attention: I still don't own anything. I am however, willing to give you my roomies cats and her dog. I think it's a good trade. I can't believe how long this chapter ended up. On a bright note, things will get better for Shika in Suna. Stay tuned.

The weeks flew by, filled with missions and time spent with friends. Before I know it three months had passed. The only changes since my decision were the fact that I had gotten an apartment. I was now Naruto's neighbor. I had gotten tired of being ignored by my parents. Neither were talking to me. Most of the rookie nine were shunning me as well. The only exceptions being Neji, Lee, Naruto, and Hinata. Shino wasn't really shunning me; we had never really been friends. There were a few bright spots however. I was no longer the lazy genius. Working with both Neji and Lee gave me very little time to sleep or cloud watch. I found I didn't miss either that much. My taijutsu was much stronger now, as was my chakra control. All in all I was a stronger shinobi. Raidou was also a constant in my life. Because of him and Izumo I was much better at armed and hand to hand combat. It was nice to have such friends. Raidou thought that Lee's speeches about youthful affection were hilarious. Month three became month four and everything changed. Asuma returned from a long mission and I needed to tell him what had happened. I was worried about how he would respond. I was really hoping to speak to him before Ino or Choji got to him. It seemed important that he hear my side of the story first. Unfortunately luck was not with me. The day Asuma returned I was requested for a mission. I was called to Tsunade's office where I received the mission brief. It was a simple mission really; capture three missing ninja that had been spotted three days out from Konoha. The lead nin had requested a shadow manipulator. I accepted the mission, grabbed my ready pack, and went to meet the team at the gate. I was shocked when I arrived. The team leader was Kabamaro Kouga, the jounin that had kicked me around the mission room. The rest of the team consisted of me, Hyuga Hinata, and Shiranui Genma. Two elite jounin and two chuunin. Kouga glared at all of us and walked out of the gates. The rest of us followed after him. With Kouga in the lead I fell in line second, Genma in third, and Hinata brought up the rear. Her byakugan could see all around her and would make spotting enemies easy. We traveled for two days before we encountered any trouble. We had found the missing ninja's camp. For the most part our information was correct. There were three missing ninja from the Rock village, two jounin and one chuunin. What we were not expecting was the number of people with them. There had been nothing in the report about the other twenty or so people with them. We fell back about fifteen miles to plan our attack. I was a master at strategy after all. As Kouga and Genma argued back and forth, I ran through the information we had. First off, what did I know about the enemy shinobi? Ryou Ayumu and his twin sister Ryou Botan, both twenty-six years old, and wanted for murder. They had slaughtered most of a small village for no real reason, something about an old man looking at them in the wrong way. Ayumu specialized in close combat with two short swords. He also used earth jutsu. Botan was the master of a long katana. It is a red blade charged with fire, Botan's elemental jutsu. The final ninja was a chuunin, Minako Kaede. She was a distance fighter. She preferred to use her summons to fight for her. Kaede controlled a group of weasels that had a special poison coating their claws and teeth. She was a wanted assassin at the tender age of twenty. Without knowing how many of the people with them were fighters there was no plan of attack that we could utilize to have a good outcome. We would need to retreat and come back with reinforcements. I stood and approached Kouga. Since he was lead on this mission he was the one to talk to.

"Kabamaro-taichou," I began, "we need to fall back and get reinforcements. Without knowledge of how many of the people ahead are fighters there is no way to capture the ninja we are after. A fight here would end badly. They have the advantage." I stopped there and waited for his response. To my surprise Hinata spoke first.

"I agree with Shikamaru." Hinata said, "The shinobi we face specialize in earth and fire jutsu's. One of them uses poison. We need more people to defeat them."

Genma spoke up next.

"I don't want to agree with the Nara brat," He said, "but in this case she is right. We need stronger fighters. I have no doubt that you and I could handle ourselves, but the chuunin are not as experienced. While Nara can use shadows to hold people who will watch her back? Hyuga is a close combat fighter. We would need here in the fore front with us, however, she is also our medic. We need her protected. We need more people."

Kouga seemed to be thinking over what we had said. The problem with older jounin however, is that they are crazy. I could tell by the gleam in his eyes we were going to be fighting. The only one surprised by his words was Hinata.

"I am lead on this mission." He said, "My word is law, we will fight and obtain our objective. If any of you refuse I'll have you stripped of your rank when we return home." He paused there and glared at all of us. "Hyuga and Shiranui will be up front." He continued, "I will go in first. My speed will be an asset. Nara, keep to the trees closest to the other two. Be prepared to do some close combat. This will get messy. Focus on the earth user first. He will be our biggest problem. After he is neutralized take out the poison expert, leave the fire expert for last. Any questions, no, good let's go."

With that said he headed back toward the enemy camp. The three of us followed. I was uneasy about what was to come. I was glad, however, that I had improved in my combat and taijutsu skills. It didn't stop my worry, this was a bad idea. There was no way that I could see for this to turn out without serious injury. I hoped that I was wrong. Maybe they would surrender. I laughed in my head at the thought. Three murders would not surrender to anyone. The battle started badly. Kouga rushed in and began attacking anyone he could see. Hinata and Genma stayed at the entrance to the camp, fighting the men who came up to them. I was in a tree about fifteen feet up, right to the left of the camp. I stopped people with my shadows and the others killed them. I had a feeling that we were missing something. I saw a movement from the corner of my eye. There was something or someone coming up behind Genma. Without thinking about it I sped over to him. Just in time to block a short sword to his back. I was never so glad that Neji had convinced me years ago to learn to use sai swords. It was Ryou Ayumu, the earth jutsu user.

"Well, well, well" Ayumu said, "if it isn't the little shadow player. So glad you could come down and join me. It's going to be so much fun to kill you all. I may have to save you for last. Really have some entertainment."

He grinned down at me. That's when it hit me. They had known we were there all along. None of the missing nin were in the camp. They had taken to the forest and waited for us to attack before showing themselves. We had been played. It was too late to do anything about it now. We had to fight. Our lives depended on it. It was time to let them know that the shinobi of Konoha didn't respond well to threats or intimidation.

"You seem very eager to be beaten." I boasted, "Do you enjoy being bested by a woman? It would seem to be the case. This entire attack designed to bring me down to meet you. Very sad, don't you know that there are other ways to meet women? Poor little man, I guess I'll just have to teach you some manners. So troublesome."

During our little chat Genma had moved up closer to Hinata, the two of them were engaged in battle with three of the unknown men. They were doing well. From the look in Ayumu's eyes he was pissed. That had been my intention. The angrier the less focused on his sword play. That was my plan. I knew he was a stronger fighter; he had much more experience than I did. If I could keep him focused on his anger he would be easier to trick. I need to use all of my skills to come up with a winning strategy. This would be my most difficult battle. I decided to push him further.

"I must say I'm disappointed," I quipped, "here I thought you were this great master of the short sword and I stop you with one little sai? Maybe I should let you go, you could train some more, come back when you're ready to really fight.

In hind sight I may have pushed him a little too far. Instead of his anger causing him to attack blindly he pulled out his other sword. He then took a fighting stance and grinned at me. I knew he was waiting for me to make the first move. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction, but I drew my other sai anyway. It was the logical thing to do. As we stood there facing each other he began to speak.

"You must be the strategist we were warned about." He said, "I didn't expect a little girl to hold such a position. Your attack plan was sloppy; I'm guessing it wasn't your plan. It is going to be a shame to kill you. I think I'll keep you alive for a while, have some fun with you. It will be interesting to see how much it will take to break you."

This was a move I had not expected. The decision to keep me for torture was not something I wanted to contemplate. It happened to ninja captured by enemies frequently; I had no desire for it to happen to me. By his conversation I also knew that he would not make the first move, so I did. I sent out a few shadow tendrils. They were approaching him from behind. It was a great plan. It didn't work the way I wanted. Just before he was caught, he jumped forward and ran at me. Our swords shot off sparks as the metal clashed. He was stronger that I had anticipated. He drove me backwards about a foot, using his size to maneuver me. I spun to the left, leading him away from the camp entrance. He followed with a smirk on his face. I was getting the feeling that he was up to something. I stopped moving and took a fighting stance, placed both swords in position, and waited. He smiled at me and spoke.

"No more running pretty girl?" He asked. "What made you stop? You won't be able to defeat me. Make this easy on yourself and surrender."

I smiled at him and responded.

"You take to much for granted." I said. "Don't underestimate an opponent based on their age or gender. So far everything is going according to my plan."

Ayumu glared at me and tried to run forward. It didn't work.

"Let me help you with this." I said. "I walked forward two steps, he did the same. I looked down at my feet, he did the same. This allowed him to see the shadows around his feet. I placed my weapons on my back, he did the same. I then used my shadow sewing technique to stick him to a tree. At least I tried to. At that moment a tree fell, almost on top of me. As I jumped out of the way the jutsu broke. All I could smell was burning wood. Ayumu was free and now even angrier. As I looked at him, he was joined by a young woman. From the red blade in her hands I knew it was Ryou Botan. I also knew I was in trouble. I could not fight them both on my own. What I needed was time to think. That was the one thing I didn't have. For the first time in a while, however, luck was on my side. Genma appeared beside me. He looked over at me and shook his head.

"We leave you alone and this is what happens." Genma joked. "Were you planning on letting the rest of us have any fun?"

I shrugged and focused on the two in front of us. Before anything else could be said Ayumu cast a jutsu. A huge wall of earth came crashing toward us. Both Genma and I jumped clear. We landed behind a large tree. I looked over at Genma.

"Which do you want to fight Shiranui-san?" I asked.

He pondered for a moment and then he peered around the trunk of the tree.

"My wind nature will be of no use against Botan's fire nature." I said. "My fighting style would be better used against Ayumu's earth nature. Besides, we've already gotten to know each other. I've learned some of his weaknesses."

We nodded to each other and sprang out of our hiding spot. I went left, Genma right. We stood in front of the twins. I spoke first.

"Come on Ayumu," I teased, "let's see if you can beat me without your sister's help."

He started to charge me right away. I pulled my sai's and prepared for battle. Genma sprinted towards Botan. Before either of us could engage our foes, a huge explosion shook the forest. All of us flew backwards. All I could smell was burning flesh and wood. As I picked myself up off the forest floor I could hear Genma muttering.

"That stupid ass ," Genma said, "Kouga has been told not to use that jutsu when he has a team with him. It's too damn dangerous!

I moved up to his side and looked around. The camp was leveled, bodies and body parts where everywhere. I was worried, I didn't see Hinata anywhere. I moved forward to go find her. Genma stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"Be careful Nara." He said, "We don't know what enemies are still out there."

I nodded and walked onwards. I had not forgotten that we were on a battlefield. I moved forward with a sai in one hand. As I moved closer to the camp I realized that Ryou Ayumu would not be a problem any longer. Not unless he could fight while cut in half. From the scorching around his waist, it was likely that he was killed with Botan's red blade. I saw movement in front of me. It was Hinata. She was supporting Kouga and bringing him out of the camp. He was in bad shape. He had burns and blood all over him. I noticed a flurry of motion behind them.

"Hinata," I yelled, "get down now!"

She dropped to the ground taking Kouga with her. I summoned a wind gust to block the kunai flying towards them. They fell from the air and harmed only the dirt they landed in. Before I could do anything else I heard the sound of battle behind me. I turned and saw Genma fighting Botan. She seemed to have lost her blade and was using one of Ayumu's. Her heart did not seem to be in the fight and Genma soon beat her. We both headed towards Hinata and Kouga, he was being healed. I still felt uneasy. We had missed something. Just then a shrill laugh broke the quiet. It was then I know what we had forgotten.

The third missing nin, Minako Kaede. Her summons appeared around us, about fifteen larger than normal weasels.

"Don't let them bite or scratch you." I said. "Poison coats their teeth and claws. It's a paralytic."

Genma started throwing senbon before I stopped talking. He killed three before they attacked. With the weapons we three had it was easy to kill the all. At the same time the last weasel died a strange mist began to rise around us. We heard a lilting voice from above start speaking.

"Foolish leaf shinobi," Kaede sang, "killing my little pets. You have made me angry. You come here to capture me, kill my associates, blow up our camp, and kill my pets. I will have my revenge!"

We had all clustered together. Genma turned to Hinata.

"Can you sunshine yourself and Kouga about fifteen miles away?" He asked quietly. " To the clearing we used to plan this attack?

She nodded and the two of them disappeared in a swirl of leaves. This left Genma and myself to fight the assassin. The mist began to clear and in front of us was a young woman. She looked harmless, until you saw her eyes. There was no sanity in them. The mist seemed to flow toward her. Upon reaching her it formed into a silvery grey blade. The edge of the blade gleamed in green. It was coated with poison. I felt a chakra surge behind me. I turned and saw that she had formed a clone from the mist. Complete with poison sword. Fantastic I thought. I hoped that Hinata could send a message to Konoha. We were in trouble. Before I could speak, Genma headed towards Kaede. She met him halfway and the fight started. St the same time her clone came at me. Our swords clashed. We seemed to be well matched in skill. I would have the advantage then her. Both battles went on for about thirty minutes. We were growing tired. Genma and I had been fighting all day, Kaede had not. Finally I had an opening. The clone tripped over an arm on the ground. One sai to the torso ended her. At the same time Genma had gotten the upper hand on Kaede. Just as he delivered the blow to her neck I saw something silver streak through the air towards him. I moved to intercept. He turned just as I caught the two kunai, one in my shoulder, one in my abdomen. Genma caught me before I hit the ground. It felt like fire was coursing through me. I've never experienced pain like that before. I couldn't move and it was getting hard to keep my eyes open. It was also getting hard to breath. The last thing I remember before everything went black was Genma talking to me.

"You idiot," He said, "Why didn't you warn me? Why did you jump in the way? Stay with me Nara! Keep your eyes open!"

I tried, I really did, but in the end I gave into the darkness. The next thing I remember is a glaring brightness blinding me. I tried to move, talk, anything. I couldn't. Everything felt heavy and weighed down. It didn't take long for me to sink back into darkness. The next time I woke up I could open my eyes without pain. Everything was white. I realized that I was in the hospital. I tried to move my arms and found I couldn't. I tried to turn my head and I couldn't. Panic was beginning to set in. Before I could try anything else Tsunade walked into the room. Just seeing her calmed me down. Before she said anything, she helped me into a seated position and got me a glass of water. After I had drunk half of it she told me what had happened.

"You've been unconscious for almost a week now." Tsunade said, "The poison really did a number on you. You should be able to talk by tomorrow. In about two days' time most of your mobility will return. Your left arm will take longer to heal. The kunai was barbed. Not only did the poison cause damage, the muscle was almost destroyed when Genma yanked the blade out. He didn't know it was barbed."

She paused there; I guess she wanted to see if I would react to the news. What could I have done, I was paralyzed and unable to talk. I blinked. Tsunade continued.

"The kunai to your abdomen didn't damage much." She said, "It missed all of your vital organs. The poison seemed to gravitate towards your spine. Walking will be difficult for a while. You'll need a cane or some crutches to get around for the next few weeks. Physical therapy will help a lot as well. Right now the best thing you can do to heal is sleep, and eat something. I'll have some soup or something sent in for your lunch. Eat then go back to sleep."

With that said Tsunade left. About ten minutes later a nurse brought in a bowl of soup and some crackers. It smelled like chicken soup. She placed the bowl on the table beside the bed, smiled at me, and left. I wondered if she had been told that I could not move. I was starving. I hadn't eaten in a week and the soup smelled wonderful. I sat there and tried to figure out what I could do. There was no way that I could get it myself and I couldn't call for help. Luckily for me, Neji chose that moment to come visit me. He saw the bowl beside my bed and didn't look happy. He looked out in the hallway and then came back in. He shook his head, grabbed a chair and came to sit beside me. He picked up the bowl and started to speak.

"Since the incompetent staff here didn't seem to think you should eat the food brought to you I'll feed you." He said, "I will be sure to let the Hokage know about this as well. All the staff on this floor has been told that you are unable to move yet. This was deliberate. Would you like me to get somebody else or are you alright with me feeding you?"

I looked at him and blinked once. He seemed to know what I meant and he lifted a spoonful of soup to my mouth. He didn't talk as he feed me. It went slowly and I found I couldn't eat the entire bowl. Neji could see that I was getting tired. He put the food up, helped me lay down, pulled up the covers and left. He did tell me that he would see me the next day. I think I was asleep as soon as he turned out the lights. The next few weeks took forever. At least it seemed that way to me. My voice came back but it was weak for a few days. The physical therapy started two days after I woke up, it seemed to help but it was difficult. I think it would have been easier if Lee hadn't decided to help me. After about a week I could walk normally. I didn't need the cane unless I was tired or climbing a hill or the stairs to my apartment. My left arm was taking the longest to heal. Here it was three weeks after I woke up in the hospital and I was still having lots of trouble with it. I would lose strength with my grip, had some loss of sensation, and it was just weaker than it had been. Tsunade had made it clear that I was not to receive any missions until she had decided that I was in top form. A large part of my trouble stemmed from the fact that I had yet to speak to Asuma. Since his return I'd been on a mission and then in the hospital. A month had passed. When we finally got to talk it was as though my world ended. I had expected him to be upset. After all he had only heard the version of what happened from Ino and Choji. He might have spoken to the Hokage but I wasn't sure. I was sitting on a hill watching clouds as I rested up from trying to get my arm to work right. I felt his chakra appear beside me. I looked up at him and began to talk.

"Hello Asuma-sensei," I said, "how have you been doing? I haven't had a chance to see you since your return. I wanted to tell you about some things that happened while you were away. I had hoped to talk to you before now, unfortunately a mission and a hospital stay got in the way."

He looked down at me and I couldn't quite place what the look in his eyes meant. He seemed to be trying to think of how to say what was on his mind.

"I've heard all about your choices regarding Uchiha Sasuke." Asuma said, "I must say that it took me by surprise when Ino told me. I hadn't expected anything like this from you. I talked to both Choji and her because they have always been closest to you. I also spoke to Yoshino about it. They all said the same thing. Now I would like to hear the story from you. Did you tell the Hokage that you would refuse any missions involving Uchiha Sasuke? Do you have so little respect for the leader of this village that you think you have the right to dictate missions to her? You are a chuunin and as such it is your job to do the missions handed to you. I know that I taught you better than this."

I sat there for a moment. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that Asuma was taking Ino's story at face value. He didn't seem to remember that Ino was a wizard at stretching the truth and embellishing events so they seemed worse than they were. I thought that he would have more faith in me. It seems I was wrong.

"Asuma-sensei," I began, "I would be more than happy to tell you what happened in the Hokage's office. I told Tsunade-sama that I would prefer to no longer take part in missions pertaining to the retrieval of Uchiha Sasuke. I told her that I believed him to be a traitor to Konoha and that it was a waste of manpower and an unneeded risk to the lives of loyal shinobi to chase after him. Sasuke will not return to Konoha, he has betrayed us and joined forces with our enemy. I told her I had come to close to losing those dearest to me and to close to losing my own life on his behalf."

I paused there to let Asuma take in what I had said. After a few moments I continued.

"Did Ino tell you that after the meeting Sakura and she attacked me?" I asked, "I had to go to the hospital for several injuries. Iruka-sensei was the one who broke up the altercation. Choji just stood there and let me be attacked. Have you spoken to Tsunade about this decision? She understands why I have made this choice. I've met with the elders; I have also spoken to Kakashi-sensei about all of this. While most of the people in this village disagree with me, there are those who, while they don't agree with me, support my decision and understand why I made it. I have not spoken to my family since the event. I haven't spoken to Ino or Choji either. The only friends that haven't abandoned me are Neji, Lee, Naruto, and Hinata. The rest of them treat me like I don't exist. The villagers pick up on this attitude and do the same. Most of the jounin and chuunin I have to work with are the same. Other than my friends from the rookie nine the only people who really talk to me are Namiashi Raidou, Kamizuki Izumo, Kakashi, and Guy-sensei. Without these people I would be alone in this village. I understand that I have hurt some of the people in the village with my decision, but they have not even tried to understand this from my side. Naruto supports me. There is nobody in Konoha that wants Sasuke back as much as he does. When Sasuke left it was like Naruto lost his only family. He will stop at nothing to bring Sasuke back. With all that going on, Naruto still made a point to talk to me and get my side of the story. He understands. Why won't anybody else try that?

I stopped there. I saw that Asuma was not moved. I hoped, however, that he would think about what my reasons were. He didn't.

"I never thought I could be so disappointed in someone." He said, "And for that person to be my best and brightest student, it deeply saddens me. I never thought that you could be so selfish. To put your thoughts and desires above those of the village, to ignore what Konoha needs because you are afraid of what you may lose. I thought you were a braver person than that. I am deeply shamed to have had you as my student, that I am the one who trained such a coward. You are a disappointment to me and to your family. From this day on, you are no longer my student, my colleague, or my friend. I want nothing to do with you. You are my greatest disappointment and failure."

With that said he disappeared in a swirl of leaves, leaving me broken in a way that surprised me. I realized that Asuma's opinion meant more to me than anyone else's. To know that he would not even take the time to listen to me tell the entire story that he would rather take the words of someone else to heart over mine. I don't know how long I sat there. I only looked up when I felt the rain fall on me. When I looked up I saw that Iruka and Kakashi were standing in front of me. Iruka looked concerned. Kakashi didn't even have his book out. I guess I looked pretty bad. I just sat there and looked at them. I didn't really know what to do. I was hoping that Asuma would come back and tell me that he had been mistaken, that he should have listened to me. It didn't happen. Iruka kneeled down beside me.

"Come on Shikamaru," He said, "let's get you home and out of the rain. Being out in this weather will set back your recovery."

He and Kakashi helped me to my feet. I just looked at them blankly. I really couldn't think of what I should do. The only thought running through my head was that I couldn't go home. Asuma didn't know where my apartment was. If he decided that he needed to talk to me he wouldn't know where I was. I just stood there, shaking my head. It was Kakashi who seemed to know what I needed.

"Don't worry Shika-chan," Kakashi said, "I'll be sure to tell Asuma where your apartment is so that you can talk again. I'll go to him as soon as we get you home and dry. Iruka will stay with you and make sure that you don't get sick. Is that alright?

I nodded and the next thing I knew we were in front of my apartment building. Iruka nodded to Kakashi and then he helped me upstairs and into my room.

"Go change out of those wet clothes and into something warm Shikamaru." Iruka ordered, "I'll start dinner while you change."

I went and changed into dry clothes, when I got back to the living room Iruka was serving up some ramen, the one food that any friend of Naruto always had on hand. I don't remember what flavor or how much I ate. The next thing I knew it was morning and I was waking up in my bedroom. Iruka must have put something in the food so that I would sleep. I was grateful for what he and Kakashi had done for me the night before. Everything was much clearer in the light of day. I had lost the respect of the one person I esteemed above everyone else. That Asuma had chosen to despise me based on my choices about missions involving lost causes broke my heart. I had a gaping hole in my chest. I didn't think that anything could ever take away the emptiness I was feeling. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and mope. I knew that was not an option. I had therapy on my arm to do, training with Lee and Neji this afternoon, and a checkup with Tsunade today. I was still an active shinobi of Konoha and I had work to do. This is what I tried to convince myself of. Some days it even worked. How was I to know it was going to get worse? That the people I once thought of as family would hurt me so much that the only thing I could do was leave my home?

Two months had passed since my conversation with my former sensei Asuma. I had healed completely and was again allowed to do missions. There were a lot of them to do. For the most part I was working with Neji and Lee. When I wasn't teaming up with them I was with Izumo and Raidou. On my rare off days I would help out at the mission desk or bury myself in training. Neji was worried about me, so was Iruka. I had never been so dedicated before. I used to be one of the laziest shinobi in the village. That had changed. The only people that trained more than I did were Lee and Guy-sensei. Ino and Choji were still ignoring me, so were my parents. I had gotten used to being the black sheep of Konoha. I took every mission I could and trained every waking moment so I didn't have to think. I knew the only thing that would make the villagers happy was for me to change my mind and pretend that I cared if Sasuke came back or not. I couldn't do that. More like I wouldn't do that. I had my pride after all and I had done nothing wrong. I had received a small injury on my last mission and the medics had forbidden me to train until they thought I was healed. I was told to rest, sleep in, spend time with friends, one of the nurses suggested that I go watch the clouds. That used to be my favorite thing to do. I tried to get Lee to spar with me but he had been warned not to train with me. Tsunade had decided that I was going to take a vacation. Whether I wanted to or not it seemed. She had been talking to me more and more about a possible position in Suna. It was as a representative to speak for Konoha and help with inter-village relations. It was a direct position with the Kazakage. I must say that I had considered it. The only problem was that I don't really like the desert. It was midafternoon and I was lazing about on the top of the Hokage monument. It was the highest place in the village and was usually without too many people milling around. I must have dozed off at little, because the next thing I know there was someone else in my mind. I'm no stranger to mind jutsu's. Working with the Yamanaka's tends to get you used to them. It was usually pretty easy for me to throw them off. I guess I was more tired than I thought because I couldn't get out of it. I seemed to be in a dark room. It was illuminated from a faint light from the ceiling. I could hear the sounds of insects or some other creature's moving in the darkness. Most people don't know that my only real fear is spiders. I'm completely terrified of them. I mean, like running from the room screaming like I'm being murdered terrified. There were only two people in Konoha who knew about my phobia, Akimichi Choji and myself. Even though I knew it was in my head I was scared. I don't know when I started running. All of a sudden there were these huge spiders everywhere; they must have been like ten foot tall. Any direction I turned they were there. I had no way to escape. As I tried to run I could swear that I heard barking, it made no sense, spiders don't bark. I knew I heard laughter; I would recognize Ino's voice anywhere. As I ran I tripped over something, I felt a stabbing pain in my side. I got up and ran in a different direction. The only thing on my mind was getting away from my nightmare. I don't know how long they tortured me, I think I heard somebody yelling for them to stop me, or grab me. I can't really remember. The next thing I knew I was falling. I slammed into something hard, then nothing. I woke up in the hospital, again. Neji was sitting by my bed when I woke up this time. Lee, Iruka, and Naruto were with him. I looked around and noticed that they all seemed so sad. Neji seemed more angry than sad but that was his normal look.

"What happened?" I asked, "I remember spiders, the Hokage monument, Ino laughing and a dog barking. Could somebody fill in the blanks?"

Iruka looked at me and tried to smile. He moved forward and sat at the foot of my bed.

"Shikamaru," He began, "You were caught in a jutsu by Yamanaka Ino, she was aided by Akimichi Choji, and they wanted to scare you. They used your fears against you to make you run through the woods on the monument. Inuzuka Kiba and Akamaru were on the monument doing some tracking. They were not involved. When Akamaru saw you running he tried to play with you. You fell against a fallen tree and a broken branch stabbed you in the side. The injury wasn't serious."

He stopped there. I looked at them all and could see that I didn't have the entire story yet.

"Why am I in the hospital if I didn't receive any serious injuries?" I asked, "You are leaving something out. I remember falling, hitting something. What else happened?"

Iruka looked down at his lap before he continued.

"You must have turned direction while running from the monsters in the jutsu," He said, "you fell off the Hokage monument and slammed into one of the heads. Luckily Kakashi and Guy had been headed up the monument to see what all the noise was about. You had been screaming for help. Guy caught you before you'd fallen too far. You were already unconscious and he brought you to the hospital while Kakashi rounded up the troublemakers and got Tsunade. She left Morino Ibiki in charge of the culprits and headed to the hospital to make sure you were alright. That was two days ago."

I just sat there. I couldn't believe it. The people once closest to me had almost killed me. I have no doubt that if Guy and Kakashi hadn't been where they were I would have plummeted to the ground. I would have died. The simple fact that it was former teammates and friends instead of enemy shinobi that had almost ended my life was unbelievable. What was I supposed to do with this information? Was I just supposed to forgive and forget? Go on as though it never happened. Wait for their forced apology? Gee, sorry we almost killed you. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what I would say. I didn't even know I was crying until I was hugged by Lee. I have no idea what he was saying but it was nice to have someone on my side. I gently removed myself from Lee's embrace. I looked around at the faces gathered in the room.

"Thank you all for being here when I woke up." I said, "I must say that I'm getting tired of waking up in the hospital, it's getting old. Iruka-sensei, thank you for telling me what happened. If it's alright with all of you I'd like to be on my own for a bit. I need to think about all that's happened in the last few months. I'm not sure of anything right now and I need time to clear my head."

They all nodded and left. Not before each of them gave me a hug. Neji looked really uncomfortable hugging me. After about ten minutes they were all gone. I sat there and cried. I had lost so much that I felt like I didn't really know anybody any longer. Everything I had believed in had been turned on its head. I knew what I would have to do. I must have sat there for about an hour or two. I looked up when a noise broke my concentration. I looked up and saw Kakashi bringing a bowl into my room. Tsunade was with him.

"Maa, Shika-chan," Kakashi said, "I thought that you would like some ramen for dinner. Pork is your favorite isn't it? Then we have something to talk to you about."

I took the bowl and soon emptied it. I placed it on the bedside table and waited for them to speak.

"What do you want us to do with Ino and Choji?" Tsunade asked, "Since you are the victim I want to know what you think the punishment should be. I know it's not what would normally be done but oh well."

I thought about it for a moment. I did know those two better than almost anyone. I had the perfect punishment in mind for Ino.

"Tsunade-sama," I said, "there is nothing Ino dislikes more than small children. She thinks that they are loud and messy. They have sticky hands and she just can't stand them. I think you should have her work at the academy preschool or perhaps the kindergarten class. It's just the thing to make her miserable. As for Choji, make him work with animals. He has an allergy to dogs and cats. The fur makes him sneeze and he can't eat when he's around them. If he could work at the Inuzuka compound with the dogs it would work. Anything that you want to add to those would be good."

Tsunade laughed out loud. Kakashi did as well. It surprised me, I'd never heard him laugh, just seen him eye smile. I decided to tell them of my decision. It didn't make sense for me to wait. I'd made up my mind and it wasn't going to change.

"Tsunade-sama," I said, "I would like to accept the position in Suna. I don't feel like I can stay in Konoha any longer. The situation has been getting worse and I've taken all I can. I don't feel like I can serve and protect a village that treats me this way. Having my former friends come close to killing me is the last straw. Is the position still available?"

She looked at me and she seemed old for the first time. It was like years had been added to her overnight. Kakashi had a similar look on the part of his face I could see.

"I can't say that I'm surprised about your decision." She said, "I think that this has been coming for a long time. That's why I mentioned it to you months ago. It is still open and it's yours if you want it. I want you to think on this for at least a week before we notify Suna of your posting. I want to be sure you really want this and it's not just the emotion making this decision. Can you give me a week and really think this through?"

I agreed and she left the room. Kakashi stayed. I could tell that he had something to say to me.

"I think that you are making a good choice going to Suna." He said, "It will do you good to be away from Konoha. It's the wrong place for you now. I think that you'll do well working with the Kazakage. You don't have any problems with Naruto being a jinchuuriki so you will get along with Gaara, as much as anybody gets along with Gaara."

I smiled at him; he ruffled my hair and took his leave. I was being released in a few hours and planned to go to my apartment and rest. I had no plans to change my mind. I did want to tell my friends of my decision. After I arrived home, I sent out messages to Naruto, Lee, Neji, Hinata, Raidou, and Izumo. They had become my closest friends and I didn't want them to be caught off guard. Once they had all arrived I gave them the news. Nobody seemed to be surprised. I guess everyone knew I had dealt with way to much in the past months. I needed a new start. With the support of my friends I got through the next week. At the meeting with Tsunade I told her that I still wanted to take the position in Suna. She agreed and two days later I was on my way. For the first time in a while I had hope. I was off to start anew in a new village. It was time, I was sad to leave my home, but I knew it was for the best.


	5. Chapter 5

I am so sorry that this chapter is so short and that it took so long for me to get it posted. This last month has been horrible. We lost a dear friend to advanced ovarian cancer. It was discovered late and by the time she was diagnosed it was too late to save her. She was not even 30 years old and she is gone. Never forget to tell those you love how you feel. You never know when it will be too late.

If anyone had told me seven months ago that I would be accepting a posting in Suna, I would have called them crazy. If they had said that my childhood friends would come close to killing me, I would have suggested that they seek mental help of some kind. If I was told that my sensei would turn on me and chose to believe the words of a known gossip over my own, I don't know what I would have done. If I would have known I would be left with a gaping hole in my heart and soul due to the betrayals of my friends, family, and the village I swore to protect I would have said they were wrong. I was sure that none of this could happen to me. I was the lazy genius. I didn't put forth effort for anything. That all changed the day I decided to follow my passion and speak my mind on a taboo subject in Konoha. I refused to have anything to do with retrieving Uchiha Sasuke. It changed my world forever. Good had come out of this event. I had better friends than I had ever known. People I would never have guessed that I would know much less consider spending time with. I learned that I enjoyed training and working hard. I found out that I didn't miss watching clouds. The events that led up to my leaving Konoha are no longer important. I was now to be the representative of Konoha in Suna, to work with the Kazakage to foster the relationship between our two villages. The trip to Suna would take more than a week. I was under strict orders to take it easy due to my injuries. The people escorting me would make sure that I didn't overdo it. I had been expecting Lee and Neji to be my escorts. The biggest surprise was how silent the trip started out. Nobody seemed to want to talk about my choice to leave Konoha. The fact that Neji was quiet wasn't that unusual. Lee being quiet was almost unheard of. On the third day of our journey Lee broke down.

"Why must this happen?" Lee cried, "IT is most unyouthful for you to leave Konoha! There must be something we can do! How can we fix this?"

By this time he was crying and hugging me. I was touched that he cared so much, at the same time I wanted him to let me go. I patted his shoulder to try and calm him down. Neji began to speak.

"Lee," Neji said, "do not dwell on the sadness Shikamaru's leaving brings. Instead focus on the positive. She has a chance at a new beginning. Shika will be in a place where she will no longer be judged on her choices regarding Sasuke. This is her chance to start over."

That seemed to calm Lee down. I hugged my friend and began to speak.

"I will miss the both of you," I said, "You have become my dearest friends." I paused there for a moment. "Lee, I need for you to understand why I can't stay I Konoha. I no longer feel safe there. It is no longer my home. I have been betrayed and almost killed by the people I used to think of as family. I need a place to start over, so I can find myself again."

After our little display of emotion we continued on for about six hours, we then camped for the night. I would like to say that we spent the next five days in peaceful companionship. Not with Lee's personality. The days seemed to drag on. I'm sure it would have gone faster if Lee hadn't been breaking out into manly tears at the thought of my leaving our home. I love the guy but if I hear anymore speeches about how the youthful renewal of change would cause my world to blossom in joy and happiness I just might have to maim him. Neji was easier to deal with. He didn't cry and complain. He simply said that he would miss me, for me to keep in contact, and for me to continue my training. It was a relief to see the sand dunes in the distance. It meant that we were almost to Suna and that I could try to start putting my life back together. We were a day out of Suna and I was beginning to feel nervous. I didn't know Gaara all that well. The last time I had seen him was when he tried to kill Lee in the hospital after the chuunin exams. I know that he has changed and that he is no longer quite so psychotic, but I was not sure how well we were going to work together. The fact that he is one of Naruto's precious people did endear him to me just a bit. We were half a day from Suna when Neji pulled me aside to talk.

"Shikamaru," He began, "are you certain that you want to do this? I understand leaving Konoha for a little while but to choose a posting like this is a bit much. You don't really know anybody here in Suna and I don't want you to be lonely for the next year. Have you really thought this through? Is this just your emotions making decisions for you?"

I thought about my reasons for choosing to come to Suna. What could I say to make Neji understand? I know why he is worried. This would be a huge change for me. I was basically exiling myself.

"Neji, this is the only choice left for me." I said, "I can no longer serve Konoha. If I were to remain there I wouldn't last long. I have tried to ignore the hatred and ill will sent toward me by the villagers. I have paid little attention to the disgust and rudeness from my fellow shinobi. I have pretended that having my family and friends turn their backs on me doesn't hurt. These last seven months have almost killed me. I don't mean just physically. I hardly know who I am anymore. I do know that if I remain in Konoha I will die. If not on a mission or because of some stupid prank it will be by my own hand. I need this new start Neji. It's the only thing that is keeping me going."

I could tell by the look on his face that he had not expected me to be so candid. I guess he hadn't realized how hurt I had become. I'm a better actress than I thought. I hadn't told anybody how bad things had gotten or how much it was affecting me. After Neji and I had finished talking nothing else was said. We all seemed to be thinking about the past few months. Before we knew it four hours had passed and we had arrived at our destination. Sunagakure No Sato, the village had a strange beauty. The buildings looked like sand castles. Everything was brown, tan, and brick red, nothing green or shady about Suna. The guards at the gate too down our names and we got an escort to the Kazakage manor. Once there we were shown into a room to wait. Neji and Lee chose to sit in the chairs provided. I stood by the window. I wanted to look at the village that would now be my home. I'm not sure how long we waited in silence. When the door opened I jumped. I hadn't sensed anyone approaching. In walked two familiar people, Baki and Temari. I had met both Baki and Temari at the chuunin exams many years ago. Temari and I became somewhat friendly when she helped to keep me alive on the first mission to retrieve Sasuke. I was glad she was here. Baki I didn't know well. I knew he had been the team leader for Kankuro, Temari, and Gaara before their chuunin and jounin ranks. Before either of them could speak Lee leaped from his chair and headed toward them.

"Temari," Lee yelled, "you are a most youthful dessert blossom! I am so glad to see you once again! Baki, you are most youthful and brave as well! It is wonderful to be in the presence of such youthful and friendly people!"

Temari looked at Lee and simply said. "If you hug me, I will kill you."

This was enough to stop Lee in his tracks. I couldn't help it. I started to laugh. I'm not sure why I found it so funny. Between the look of shock and fear on Lee's face, Neji smirking, Baki's raised eyebrow and have grin, and the way that Temari had said it with no emotion. I couldn't stop. I was doubled over laughing. And it hurt to laugh I had fallen off a mountain just a few weeks ago after all. By the time I pulled myself together everyone had set down. I made my way to a chair and took a seat.

"I'm sorry everyone." I said, "It seems I needed that. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much."

Temari and Baki looked at me like I was crazy. I'm not sure how much they knew about my situation in Konoha. I wasn't sure how much I wanted them to know. We set at the table for around thirty minutes talking about unimportant things. We talked about the weather, our families, Naruto, things like that to pass the time. Finally Gaara came into the room. He looked different from the last time I had seen him. He was taller, more muscled, and he looked calm, like he was at peace, at least a little bit. When he spoke his voice was the same. Flat with no emotion at all.

"It is good that you have arrived today." Gaara said. "There will be a storm tonight and you would not have been safe." He turned to look at me and spoke again. "Nara Shikamaru," He said, "since this is the first time that you have been to Suna you have a choice. You can take a few days to rest and get used to the village or we can start you to work in the morning. I am aware that you are recovering from some injuries. Do you require a medic to check and see how you are healing?"

I looked down at the table before speaking. I needed to gather my thoughts. I had a few questions I needed to ask, but I would prefer it to be the two of us when I asked them.

"Kazakage-sama," I said, "I would rather begin work in the morning. I should be able to get plenty of rest this evening. I would like to speak with a medic; however, my side and my left arm are still causing some pain and discomfort. I would like to have them checked."

With everything decided, Temari escorted Neji and Lee to their sleeping quarters. Baki took me to the medical wing. The med-nin checked everything and decided I was healing fine. The pain was from over using the muscles. She gave me something to stop the pain. Baki then took me to what would be my room for the duration of my tenure in Suna. I was shocked to discover that I would be staying in the Kazakage mansion. I had not expected this. I was shown to a large room on the third floor. There was an attached private bathroom and a small study. The study would come in handy; after all, I did specialize in battle strategy. As I was taking all of this in Baki spoke for the first time.

"Nara-san," Baki said, "I have heard something about your troubles in Konoha. Please know that you will not be judged on such things here. So long as you work hard and are loyal your opinions on other matters do not concern us. We wish to foster a better working relationship with Konoha. I believe you will do well here and we shall succeed with our goal. I will leave you now to rest. Someone will come and fetch you for dinner."

With that said he bowed and left. Most of my things had been sent ahead and the bags I'd brought with me had been brought to the room while I was at the hospital. I began to unpack while I processed what Baki had said. I began to wonder just how much Tsunade had told them about the last seven or eight months. Before I know it there was a knock on the door. I opened it and followed the servant to the dining room. I followed the servant down two flights of stairs and through a maze of hallways until we reached the dining room. I was the last to arrive. Gaara was at the head of the table. Baki, Temari, and Kankuro were to his left. Neji, Lee, and an empty seat were to his right. I apologized for being late and sat down. Right away food was brought out and the meal began. Dinner was passing rather quickly; small talk was flowing around the table. We didn't discuss anything important really. After about thirty minutes we could hear the storm Gaara had mentioned begin. I had never heard a storm like this. It was loud but it didn't sound like there was any rain. Neither Neji nor Lee seemed to be concerned with the storm now raging outside. They had spent more time in Suna than I had though.

"Kazakage-san," I asked, "what kind of storm is this? It does not sound like any I've encountered before."

Gaara looked at me and answered.

"It is a sand storm Nara-chan." He said, "We get them often this time of year. They last around three hours usually. They sound worse than normal storms because of the grit in the sand. So long as you are indoors you are same from them. If you were outside you would most likely die."

That said he returned to eating. I smiled to myself at the way he said everything. No emotion at all in his voice or showing on his face. I was beginning to believe that I would be able to work well with Gaara. I understood his dry sense of humor. It reminded me of my father. After dinner had finished everybody retired for the evening. I sat in my new room and listened to the sand storm rage outside. I knew I should have at least tried to sleep but I had way too much going on in my head. I had so many questions and no answers. I had so many fears and nobody to share them with. How much did the inner circle of the Kazakage know about what had happened in the last seven months to me? What made me a pariah in my home? Was the treatment I received justified? Would I be happy here? Would I have people I could trust? Would I be able to do the job? All of this kept spinning through my mind. I knew I would get no rest that night. Adding to the confusion and questions in my mind I had always found it hard to sleep well in a new place. It was a good thing when on a mission, not so much when you were in a safe place and needed to sleep. I'm not sure how long I sat there listening to the storm. It could have been five minutes; it could have been five hours. I did know that it had been raging for more than the three hours Gaara had said it should last. He had said usually though. I guess that predicting a storms duration was not an exact science. I heard a soft knock at my door. I made my way over and opened it. Neji stood there.

"Can we talk?" Neji asked, "There are a few things that Tsunade wanted me to tell you once we arrived in Suna."

I opened the door wide and stepped away from the doorway. We both made our way to the small study and took seats on the couch. I waited for Neji to speak. I was curious about whatever he had to tell me. Why hadn't the Hokage told me before we left Konoha? What was this about? I really hoped that whatever Neji had to tell me was good news. I don't think I could handle anything else. I must have looked nervous due to Neji's first words.

"Nothing is wrong and you are not in trouble Shika-chan." Neji said, "This is about what is happening to Yamanaka Ino and Akimichi Choji as a result of their attack on you. The reason I was told to wait to let you know is because Tsunade-sama did not want you to blame yourself. This is something that they brought upon themselves."

I stood up and began to pace around the study area.

"I thought that their punishments had been decided." I said, "I was asked by Tsunade about what I thought she should do to both Ino and Choji. I gave her what I believed to be a fitting punishment."

I stopped there. I returned to the couch and sat back down.

"What are their punishments going to be Neji?" I asked.

Neji took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead before he continued.

"What I am about to tell you will make you angry." Neji said, "You must understand that it was not just Tsunade who made this decision. She had a meeting with all of the Jounin sensei, a few of the top ANBU, and Iruka-sensei. Together they decided on this course of action. Together they decided on this course of action. Yamanaka Ino and Akimichi Choji have been stripped of their Chuunin rank. They have also been placed under a sort of house arrest. They are not to leave the village for up to six months. At that time there will be a meeting and they will be evaluated to see if they have changed for the better. At that time they will have a chance to earn their Chuunin status back. It will depend on how well they carry out the duties they are given during that six month period."

I couldn't believe it. We had all worked so hard to become Chuunin. Well I hadn't really worked hard but I never did back then. This would devastate Choji most of all. I remember how hard it was for him to make Chuunin. I also knew that they would most likely blame me for this. I wasn't sure what to think.

"Neji-kun," I asked, "What are the duties that they will have to do? Has this been decided yet?"

Neji surprised me by laughing. He smiled at me; it was more like a smirk.

"Yes Shika-chan," He said, "their mission has been decided. Tsunade took your advice. Ino will be working at the daycare center with the infants and the toddlers. Choji will be working at the Inuzuka kennels. They will also be doing genin level missions when deemed necessary."

We both sat there for a few moments. Nothing was said. After about ten minutes Neji stood to leave.

"It is late Shika-chan," He said, "please try to get some sleep. In about five hours you will start your new life here in Suna. Please don't dwell on the things you cannot change."

With that said he left. As the door closed behind him I decided to take half of the pain medicine I had been given. Half a pill would help me get to sleep and still allow me to wake at the correct time. Ready or not the morning light would bring the start of my new life. I hope that I am ready.


End file.
